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D E V O T I O N A L

Someone told me something hard a while back and I did what I always do.

I started solving. Within about ninety seconds I had suggestions, angles they had not considered, a couple of resources they should look into. I was helping. That is what I told myself anyway.

And they got quieter the more I talked.

I did not catch it in the moment. I caught it later, replaying the conversation, and realized they had not come to me for a plan. They came because carrying it alone had gotten heavy and they wanted someone to know about it. That was the whole ask. And I had turned their pain into a problem to be managed because sitting in it with them felt uncomfortable and fixing it felt productive.

If you are a fixer, you know exactly what I am describing.

Somewhere along the way a lot of us learned that being helpful means having answers. So when someone brings us their hard thing, we reach for solutions almost reflexively. Advice. Perspective. A silver lining. Anything to move them out of the hard place, partly for them and honestly partly for us, because watching someone hurt without being able to do anything about it is genuinely uncomfortable.

But there is something worth noticing in the book of Job.

Job loses everything. His children, his health, his livelihood. And his friends show up. And for seven days, they say nothing. They just sit on the ground with him because they saw how deep his suffering was.

Seven days of silence. That is the best thing Job's friends ever did for him.

Because then they opened their mouths. And what followed was chapter after chapter of explanations and theories and advice about what Job must have done wrong. They tried to solve him. And by the end of the book, God rebukes them for it. Their silent presence was ministry. Their answers were the failure.

I think about that a lot.

Romans 12:15 puts the instruction plainly. "Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep."

It does not say fix those who weep. Or counsel them. Or explain to them why this might be for the best. It says weep with them. Get in it with them. Let their pain matter enough to affect you rather than reaching for a way to make it stop.

That is harder than advice, honestly. Advice keeps you at a safe distance. Presence costs you something.

And I want to say clearly, there is a time for wisdom. Sometimes people genuinely want input and there is real value in speaking into someone's situation. But the order matters. Presence first. Solutions later, and mostly only when asked. If you jump straight to fixing, people learn they cannot bring you the raw version of what they are carrying.

Here is what I try to do now, and I am still bad at it. When someone brings me something hard, I ask one question. Do you want help thinking through this, or do you just want me to listen?

That question has changed more conversations for me than any advice I ever gave. Because most of the time, the answer is the second one. They do not need me to be smart. They need me to be there.

So the next time someone trusts you with something heavy, try resisting the urge to solve it. Sit with them. Let it be awkward. Let the silence be longer than feels natural. You do not have to have anything to offer except your presence, and that is not a lesser gift.

Most of the time, it is the whole gift.

Much love and blessings,

Ramzi

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Family

When your kid or your spouse brings you something hard, ask before you advise. Being heard by the people closest to you is one of the most healing things there is.

Relationships

Be the friend people can bring the messy version to. That only happens if they know you will not immediately try to tidy it up.

Mental Health

If someone shares something serious with you, listening well matters more than having answers. And if it is beyond what you can hold, gently pointing them toward professional support is its own kind of care.

Finances

When someone shares a money struggle, resist opening with what they should have done. Shame is usually already in the room. Compassion first.

Physical Health

People walking through illness often get flooded with advice they did not ask for. Sometimes the kindest thing is to just show up and be normal with them.

You don't have to fix it. Sometimes showing up is the entire ministry.

Lord, help me be present with people instead of rushing to solve them. Give me the patience to sit in hard places without needing to make them comfortable. Teach me to listen more than I speak, and to let my presence be enough when I have no answers to give. Amen.

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