The Weight of Pretending You're Fine

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D E V O T I O N A L

How many times this week did you say "I'm good" when you absolutely were not?

Somebody asked how you were doing and you gave the answer you always give. The automatic one. The smile, the "doing well, how about you," the quick subject change before they could look too closely. And then you carried whatever you were actually feeling right back out the door with you, same as always.

We have gotten really good at this. Maybe too good.

We show up to work fine. We show up to church fine. We post the highlight online and look fine. We tell our families we are fine because we do not want to worry them, and we tell our friends we are fine because we do not want to be a burden. And all the while, underneath the performance, there is a whole world of stuff we are carrying completely alone.

Here is what nobody tells you about that mask. It is heavier than the thing you are hiding.

The pretending takes energy. Constant, draining, low-level energy that you do not even notice until you finally get somewhere you can take it off and you feel how tired you actually are. Performing okay when you are not okay is its own kind of exhaustion, and a lot of us have been running on empty for so long that we forgot what it feels like to just be honest.

But honesty is exactly what God invites us into.

Look at the Psalms. They are full of people who were absolutely not fine and said so, loudly, right to God's face. "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me." "How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?" "I am worn out from my groaning." These are not the words of people performing okay. These are raw, unfiltered, mask-off prayers. And God did not strike them down for their honesty. He put their words in scripture as a model for how we are supposed to come to Him.

Because God is not asking for the polished version of you. He already sees underneath it anyway.

Psalm 34:18 says something that should change the way we carry ourselves. "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed."

Close to the brokenhearted. Not close to the people who have it all together. Not close to the ones performing strength they do not feel. Close to the broken. Which means the very thing you have been hiding, the brokenness you have been so carefully covering up, is the exact thing that draws God near to you.

You have been hiding the one thing that invites Him closest.

And it is not just God we hide from. It is each other. We are all walking around performing fine, surrounded by other people performing fine, every single one of us assuming we are the only one struggling while everyone else has it figured out. It is a lie, and it keeps us all isolated in the exact moment we most need each other.

What would happen if you let one person in? Not everyone. Not the whole world. One safe, trustworthy person. What if the next time someone who has earned your trust asked how you were really doing, you told them the truth?

I think the relief would surprise you. Because shame cannot survive being spoken out loud to someone safe. It grows in the hiding. It shrinks in the light. The thing you are carrying alone almost always gets lighter the moment it stops being a secret.

So today, I want to gently challenge you to set the mask down. Start with God. Tell Him exactly how you are actually doing, not the church version, the real one. He can handle it. He has been waiting for it. And then, when you are ready, let one trusted person in too.

You were never meant to carry this behind a smile. You were meant to be known. Fully. Honestly. Mask off.

That is where healing actually starts.

Much love and blessings,

Ramzi

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Writing these devotionals is a labor of love, and your support makes it possible. If Coffee With My Father has encouraged you, consider buying me a coffee. Every contribution helps me keep sharing hope and truth each week.

Family

Sometimes the people we perform "fine" for the hardest are the ones closest to us, because we do not want to worry them. But letting your family see the real you, in age-appropriate ways, gives them permission to be real too.

Relationships

You do not need to take the mask off for everyone. But you need at least one person you can be fully honest with. If you do not have that, ask God to bring you one, and be that safe person for someone else.

Mental Health

Pretending you are fine when you are not is not just emotionally draining, it can be dangerous if it keeps you from getting help you need. If you have been masking something heavy, please tell someone. A friend, a pastor, a counselor. You do not have to carry it alone.

Finances

Financial struggle is one of the most hidden burdens there is because of the shame attached to it. If money is part of what you have been masking, know that your worth has never been tied to your bank account, and honesty about it is not failure.

Physical Health

"I'm fine" is what a lot of people say while quietly ignoring symptoms, exhaustion, or pain. Be honest about how your body is actually doing, with yourself, your doctor, and the people who love you.

If money has felt heavy lately, I also write Hope Filled Wallet, short Christian encouragement for your finances every Monday and Thursday!

The mask is heavier than the thing you're hiding. Set it down. You were meant to be known.

Lord, I am tired of pretending. You see underneath the mask anyway, so today I am taking it off in front of You. Here is how I am actually doing. Here is what I have been carrying alone. Thank You that You are close to the brokenhearted, which means You are close to me right now. Give me the courage to be honest with You and with the people who have earned my trust. Heal what I have kept hidden. And remind me that I was made to be known, not to perform. Amen.

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